Birdsong and Sunrise

“Abel, would you tell me about Abigail’s mom? Anna…” Lucy looked at him from across the porch, and he paused, considering her question.

“What would you like to know?” Abel shifted in the rocker, to face her more directly, “Where should I start?”

“Tell me about the life you built for yourself out East. I only know the small bits and pieces that Ben shared in those early years after you left. But, I know that’s not the whole story.” Lucy took a sip of her coffee and leaned against the porch railing.

Abel studied the inquisitive look on her face and thought to himself that she did look very much like a professor these day. Steam rising from the coffee cup in her hand. Silver streaks sprouting from her temples. Glasses sliding half down her nose. She sounded like one too, always with the difficult questions on hand.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, of course,” Lucy added, sensing his hesitation.

“No, it’s not that. I’m just thinking.” Abel took a breath, admiring the lightening sky lightening behind her, pastel hues reminiscent of the Smarties candy of his youth reflecting off sparse clouds, “I loved her, and it was unexpected. All of it. The craziness. The relationship. Abigail. None of it was planned.”

He stopped to gauge Lucy’s response momentarily and continued, “We met at a party. Lucy, you wouldn’t believe these parties!” He laughed, shaking his head, “People did the craziest shit. I had never seen anything like it in my life.”

She raised an eyebrow in question.

“No, not me.” He laughed, “I was mostly on the periphery, a voyeur. Except the night I met Anna, but that night was a bit on the tamer side, I suppose. I’ll spare you the details.” Abel looked out of the lake, running his hands through his hair, nervously.

“How on Earth did you end up in that scene to begin with? Seems a little out of character for the Abel I knew, even with your adventurous streak,” Lucy smirked.

“Guys from work. Clients from overseas. When I first started with the firm, I was one of the scrubs that had to handle the darker side of the business relationships. Drugs, partying, sex.” He shook his head again, closing his eyes and trying to hold back laughter as scenes from his first years in the city flashed across his memory. He could tell Lucy all of it, but he wouldn’t. No need for her to know everything.

“I had fun. But, I was smart.” He looked back at her, “And, I kept my nose clean.”

They sat quietly for a moment. “So how did this lead to Anna? Tell me more,” she encouraged him.

“Well, Anna was part of that scene and I kept seeing her at these parties. Sometimes on the periphery. Sometimes not.” He ran his hands through his hair again, “Anyway, I eventually asked her out and we started hanging out. She was intense, beautiful, wild. I couldn’t get enough of her. We were together for a while before she got pregnant with Abigail. And, that was enough for her to get clean. She quit everything, cold turkey, when she found out.”

“It wasn’t easy for her. I watched the struggle. But, she stayed clean the whole time, up until right after Abigail’s second birthday.” Abel stopped, his breath catching in his chest, “Then, poof. We lost her.”

Lucy looked at him, wide eyed, “Abel, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

“Me too,” he continued, “I mean, I’m not sorry for any of it, except that we weren’t enough for her. Not enough to stay sober, at least.”

“Did you tell Ben, your parents? Did anyone know about her or about Abigail?” Lucy asked.

“No, I figured it was better to just leave things separate. I mean, what was I supposed to say?” He continued, sarcastically, “Yeah, Ben, sorry I fucked things up for you and hightailed it out of town. By the way, I met this amazing women at a kink party, but she is strung out and we have a kid…”

Abel paused, “It’s weird talking about this now. It feels like a lifetime ago. But, the image of her on the bathroom floor where I found her the night she overdosed,” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, the sound like air releasing from a balloon, “That image is etched in my mind as if it happened yesterday.”

Abel stood up and crossed the porch, stopping at the top of the stairs, holding back tears. He didn’t think he would feel this worked up talking about Anna, but in the grand scheme of things, it was all still fresh in his mind and in his life.

“It’s alright Abel, you don’t have to tell me anything else. I’m sorry you and Abigail have been through so much. I’m sorry you lost Anna.”

Abel sighed, “Life goes on, I suppose. Abigail and I have done alright. Like I said, I wouldn’t change it. You can’t. You know?” He looked at Lucy, “And, we’re here now. So, I wouldn’t change any of it.”